The Adventures of Chris

Dang Top Chef is so entertaining. I’ve loved the last two episodes. I think the show got a lot better after they ditched Howie because the focus shifted from personal conflicts to the food challenges and the individual personalities of the contestants. It’s pretty badass how these last few episodes had super chefs that put the contestants, and even Colicchio, Padma, and Gail, in awe. You can tell in the little things, like how no contestant ever argues with the judges now, and how even the judges defer and change their opinions to conform more with the guest judges’ assessment. My particular favorite moments were when Sirio Maccione said he wanted to choose Casey as the quickfire winner because she was attractive (if you’re a legend, chauvinism is still cool, right?), seeing Hung’s reaction when Eric Ripert told Dale his prize (his jaw hit the floor), and Eric Ripert’s reaction after seeing the contestants’ reaction to his prize announcement (a hilarious grin - Eric Ripert’s grin, which almost looks like a constipated sneer, is really funny). Speaking of the Le Bernardin super chef, his appearance actually made me a bigger fan of his than I already was. He seemed fairly humble, especially considering his ultra-superstar status, Hung called him a “God”, and his accent and sayings were great (i.e. using the word “harmonious” to describe dishes, describing Hung as a chef who was “technically perfect, but whose flavors were “almost too controlled”, and describing Brian’s cheese choice as “almost a crime”, yet balancing that with “I know it’s a tough judgment.”) This is compared to other idiot chefs who say stuff like “it didn’t….pop…it…just…didn’t…pop.”

Another thing I liked about Top Chef is that, except for maybe Tre, I really think the best people made it to the final. It’s liked how each of the last four, Brian included, had different strengths. Brian’s was overenthusiasm that tried to compensate for an inability to understand why his dishes weren’t that good. I almost started to like that combination because I realized that being somewhat oblivious can be a strength, as demonstrated by Brian having the balls to serve the “green turd” to the French Culinary Institute legends. I think it also helped that I never really saw him as being really that cocky, like Howie was.

I think that you have to give a lot of credit to the editors of the show. They have to take all of the footage from a whole competition, and then edit it in such a way that it really manipulates the viewers’ emotions through the whole process - like how they made Hung really unlikable, then semi softened him with a backstory or initially portraying him as a non-team player, and then putting in a tidbit that reminded viewers that being a team player in a winner-take-all competition is stupid.

And The Office…that show is really the greatest on tv. It’s like the writers all got together, went into my brain, mined all of the things I find funny in the world and put them on TV. Then they added actors that are so believable in their roles that it’s like you’re watching real people, and that feeling even adds to the humor. It’s also comforting to know that there are other people in the world that find the prospect of carbo loading for a 5k with fettucine alfredo to be a hilarious idea. It’s even more comforting to know that those same people find that enthusiastically adding parmesan to that fettucine alfredo makes it even funnier.

You know what’s amazing to me about Pam and Jim, and all of those tv/movie couples that everyone knows should be together? Those characters usually exhibit a lot of traits that we generally find as attractive, like being smart, funny, socially normal, and kind. It’s like these people are flying together on a different plane above the rest. So many people can recognize their compatibility and the “perfection” in these people, but so few people try to implement these traits in themselves. The classic case is the annoying, stupid, whiny, self-centered girl who wants to find her “very own Jim.” How can you find your very own “Jim” if you’re nothing close to the kind of person that “Jim” would go for? And yes, I know that some people would point out that the statement could pertain more generally to perfect compatibility, and not a particular person…but if you’re a loser, and you find true compatibility with someone, it’s going to be with a person who’s also a loser…right?

I’m just being a jerk. I’ll be occupied this week for an hour on Wednesday and Thursday night.

I went to Cote Sud last weekend for dinner. It wasn’t as good as I remembered, but I can’t pinpoint how much worse it was compared to my last visit there a few years ago. Since that first visit, I’ve definitely moved up a few notches in terms of culinary expectations, so the point of reference has changed. Plus, last time I dined there with only one other person, and this time, it was four others. This allowed all of the diners to sample a wider variety of food, but it also increased the likelihood of trying a few dishes that weren’t great (which happened). So I’d say the results are inconclusive. It’s like those user reviews of restaurants. You get those reviewers who go there with their sig others and get two great things and give a great review that reflects their 100% success rate. Then you get the diner who only got 1/2 good things and he/she leaves a lukewarm/bad review. An example of the former on Citysearch would be “My husband and I celebrated our anniversary at ____ and had a great time. The lobster is fantastic!” An example of the latter on Yelp would be “My blind date and I (who I had high hopes for, but more later) decided via email to check out ____. I tried the ___, which was unappealing, just like my date’s choice of clothes. Afterwards, I left, hoping never again to avoid both my blind date and any future visits to ____.”

Thanks to Thomas and Susan, I got to see Mamma Mia a few weeks ago. I personally think ABBA is one of the greatest musical acts of all time. I don’t listen to their music that often, but seriously, how many other groups’ music has had the longevity that ABBA’s has? They’re in that rare collection of things that most people at least kind of like. Such relative widespread appeal, especially over the course of time, is such a rare thing. I can only think of a few things that fit in that category – French fries, ice cream, Disneyland, and Brad Pitt come to mind. Plus, ABBA did what I have to think all groups aspire to do, and that’s write songs that are instantly recognizable 30 years after they’re written (Dancing Queen, Mamma Mia, etc.) This isn’t to say that Mamma Mia the musical is that fantastic. It’s campy, the plot is rather thin and farfetched, and the SF cast isn’t that strong (I couldn’t even take the guy playing Sam seriously). But I’ve always said that musicals are all about music for me, and if you have a singing, dancing cast singing ABBA hits, you really don’t need much else. I was surprised that my favorite songs from the musical were I Have a Dream, Thank You for the Music and Our Last Summer. Btw, I Have a Dream was a Dad pick back in the 70s.

In an effort to get outdoors more, Susan and I went to Yosemite last weekend. Until about 8-10 years ago, my family went to Yosemite almost every year. You’d think that would make me an expert on Yosemite, but since my parents are Asians who like to look at nature, but not really experience it, I only know about (the hotels of) Yosemite Valley and its easily accessible areas. Still, I’ve got more Yosemite knowledge than most, and I was eager to show off my knowledge to Susan, which I think I did.

It turned out to be a brand new experience in a lot of ways. First, I got to drive in from a different direction. We stayed in a tent cabin, which I had never done with my family before. We went to roast marshmallows at Housekeeping Camp, which I’d never been to before. It was the first time I went to Yosemite this late in the season. It was also the first time I’d been to Yosemite since the digital age. The last time I went there, people took pictures with film and the average weight of a cell phone (which was useless in Yosemite anyway) was measured in pounds, not ounces (google “Zack Morris Cell Phone) Now it was really strange to be able to take digital photos of the things I’d looked at countless times as kid. It was even stranger to watch people making cell phone calls on trails, or seeing people surf the Internet. I didn’t really like the cell phone, tv, or internet thing. What I like about Yosemite, and the idea of getting back into nature, is that you can escape all of those things. Then again, someday if I fall off a trail and bust my leg, I’m sure I’ll be glad that I had my cell phone. Oh one thing - I really hate it when you ask a random person to take a photo of you, and he/she takes a shitty one. I’m talking about basics, like making sure you’re centered. At Yosemite, I experienced opposite ends of the spectrum. One idiot took our photo horizontally…when there was a waterfall in the background. Then, at a different waterfall, a guy actually had me adjust the spot focusing on my camera to ensure complete focus on both us and the waterfall in the shot. That was sweet.

At home, I’m just starting to feel more comfortable living here in the bay area. I’m getting good at finding street parking around our apartment, navigating the 580E/680N interchange, and even pronouncing streets in San Francisco (Sansome? Gough?) I’m getting more adept in the kitchen now. Armed with my All-Clan pans, fancy cutlery and Susan’s formidable pantry, I’ve been able to do some more things in the kitchen. Like today, I cooked a Daniel Boulud steak and lyonnais potato dish and it only took me twice as long as it said it would in the instructions. That’s better than usual.

My professional career is at an interesting stage. I’m in a semi-panic about my career – or should I say, my lack of one. While I don’t necessarily want to be an attorney for the rest of my life, I know that as every day ticks by that I haven’t landed my first job, it gets more difficult to get that job. And I also know that if I don’t get a legal job now, instead choosing to do something non-legal, the chance of me ever resurrecting a legal career later on is almost nil. So the conclusion is that I should get a legal job in the meantime, both to test it out and to keep the door open for my career later on. The problem is, I’m fairly convinced that, based on past personal experiences and third party accounts, I’m going to dislike the legal job I “eventually” get. That has put me in the awkward situation where I’m fighting as hard as I can for something that I’m more likely than not going to dislike, or even hate. It’s a really weird situation to be in. It’s made even more interesting because of the contrast that my current job, as an employee the land of cubicles, provides. See, the land of cubicles is where pressure is a rarity rather than a regularity. This job has reminded me of how easy life can be sometimes. Not to knock most of the people who work there, but I don’t get the impression that they harbor grandiose aspirations. There’s a upside to that life, which includes being able to go home at 5pm, cook dinner, and not dread the phone ringing (which is what I did at my last legal job). The downside is that you’ll never own a Porsche, go to obscure European countries, or have a gold plated wheelchair when you get old.

My favorite saying right now is that my “career is in the toilet.” Susan hates when I say it. She hates the pessimism (and, probably, the imagery), but I always clarify the positive twist on it - that career is in the toilet, but it’s floating in some clean water. No pee, no poo. I can still fish it out, wash it off, and it will be as good as new. But until I do, there’s really no arguing that it’s in there.

Oh, tomorrow is casual Friday at my workplace. I’ve never had that before. I highly, highly recommend it. Being able to retire your business casual clothes on Thursday night has a great psychological effect. I’m telling you, the land of cubicles and modest aspirations has some perks.

There’s a person at my work named Krist.i H.amagu.chi. I really want to ask her if she was hating going to school during the 1992 winter Olympics.

- I was thinking about Pavarotti. What’s cool about him is that he looks like what everyone today thinks of when they think of a male opera singer. It’s so awesome when someone or something becomes the thing he represents. It’s like Kleenex. Everyone calls a tissue Kleenex even if it’s not Kleenex brand. Pavarotti was the Kleenex of male opera singers.

- There’s this guy in the office that loves asking people “staying out of trouble?” I hate that question. These people are paper pushers who work in an office park. The only trouble that exists lies in paper cuts and printer jams. I know it’s a figure of speech, but it’s like an insult to people who really get into trouble. Every time someone asks me that, my preferred answer is “well, I’m hoping to avoid any missteps today in my mundane job, but even if I make some, they’ll probably fall through the cracks anyway, so my answer is ‘it’s probably not a priority.’”

- It’s so amazing that every musical reference to Michael Jackson is cool now (see Chris Brown on the VMA’s), but every other kind of reference to Michael Jackson is weird. Chris Brown just proved that the intro to Billie Jean is the ultimate segue between any two things.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve gotten pretty cheap. I was always kind of cheap when it came to certain things, but now I’m cheap when it comes to even more things. It’s for two reasons. First, I’m paying rent now. Second, I’m getting paid hourly. The rent thing is pretty self-explanatory, but man, I didn’t realize the subtle, negative psychological effects of being paid per hour. Having your wage broken down hourly makes it even tougher because you don’t have an annual salary figure that sounds good. Saying the phrase “______ thousand dollars” always sounds better than saying the phrase “___ dollars per hour” even though the latter case could yield a higher wage.

My new thing is going to a store and picking out the most pathetic, overpriced item in the store, and then thinking “that’s X hours of my life, right there.” It’s the most depressing thing ever. The great thing about this is that, even if you’re paid pretty well, you can probably find something that will put your hourly wage into perspective.

1 hour of work - Jerry Garcia Tie

1 hour of work - Big Mouth Billy Bass

and perhaps the worst of all

1/3 to 1/2 an hour of work

I went to Susan’s friend’s wedding today. It was so typical. Friend is a genius. Her fiancee is a genius. All of their friends are geniuses.

What was a bit painful was that the speeches/toasts by the bridal party members were pretty bad…and very long. I’ve always been hypersensitive about speeches at weddings. Most of them are just ok, but there really are ground rules that speakers need to stick to in order to ensure that their speech won’t bomb.

- You have to speak loudly enough. It’s tougher than it sounds, because you can’t hear yourself over the mic. That means you have to actually practice at least once…
- You have to speak clearly enough, which usually requires speaking a little slower (but not too slow).
- Really cut back on the inside jokes. Yeah, it’s “hilarious” that the mere mention of a particular beer brand elicits immediate laughter from you and your friend. But if you’re mic’d up to speak to 200 people, can’t that joke wait until later?
- Cut the laughing. I know it’s tough, but laughing and stopping during the speech really kill the tempo.
- I’m a firm believer that almost anyone can think of at least 1 or 2 anecdotes that are more interesting than some story that peaks with “we were SO drunk [giggle].”
- You likely need a theme, unless the stories themselves are so unique and funny that they can stand on their own (most aren’t).
- You have to shape the stories and the way you tell them. It’s like a stand up comic. There’s an ebb and flow to stories and jokes, and if you get it wrong, it can be a disaster. You have to slowly and smoothly build to a high. You have to modulate your voice to accentuate the right words and phrases. Again, this requires practice.

It wasn’t all bad. I really liked the wedding program. The front involved a cartoon of the couple flying in a small airplane. I tend to like cartoon based ideas that aren’t stupid. On the back was a collection of photographs that groom had accumulated from friends while trying to think of a 4 year anniversary gift. He had friends send him any picture of them that involved the number 4. Then he took them all and made a poster for his now-wife. I was pretty amazed at some of the creativity of the pictures. One was a girl hanging off a lamp post making a number 4. One was a guy holding a poker hand with a 4 of hearts glued to his forehead. One was a guy standing under a dont’ walk sign with 4 second left. My favorite was a guy with his back to the camera, facing a wall, with 4 streams of urine.

To emphasize that the couple was not lacking in brain power, the bride used a lot of big words, including “banal” and “inscrutable”, in her handwritten vows. True story - while I learned the meaning of banal years ago, I was afraid to use it because I was afraid people would think I was saying anal. It’s actually pronounced buh-NAHL, not BAY-null.

In other news…

- I really miss Kevin and Bean and my Ipod on the morning drives

- I’ve tried a few new restaurants over the last two weeks, but I’ve been doing a crappy job of bringing my camera. Le Cheval (Vietnamese) - tried the 7 courses of beef and most of the 5 course seafood menu (courtesy of dining partners) - not bad, but I’m not sure I’d get the courses again. Tamarindo (Mexican tapas) - quite impressed; flavors were well balanced and dishes were not too greasy. Definitely would go back; A Cote (French bistro) - actually, not that impressed with the main courses. Mussels were pretty good, but they’re mussels. Skirt steak was good but the roasted potatoes coated in paprika weren’t so great. Corn and lobster fritters were too oily tasting. However, the dessert, my first pavlova, was excellent. Great balance of textures, with the fruit, the cream, and the meringue, all the while not being too sweet or heavy. Ray’s Sushi - sushi place that is clearly owned by Chinese people and, honestly, caters to Chinese tastes. For instance, the agedashi tofu is served in a very nice broth, but is fried like Chinese fried tofu. The sushi is big chunks of fish. The selection of rolls is impressive, but then again, a huge selection of rolls is a clear sign of a non-Japanese owned sushi place. I’d go back, but it’s truly a Chinese sushi experience. Oh, don’t get the roll topped with green stuff and sriracha sauce.