The Adventures of Chris

Today I finally got to get a fried chicken sandwich from Bakesale Betty’s. It seriously is one of the best sandwiches I’ve ever eaten. I’d been wanting one for a while, and this craving was made even more urgent after I went there at 5pm on Monday only to realize that they close at 3pm.

We ordered 2 sandwiches. I ate half of Susan’s and half of mine, which left half a sandwich for later. I wrapped it up in the bag to take home and started digging into the dessert (strawberry shortcake). After we finished up, we both walked back to the car. Then I realized neither of us had the half sandwich. I panicked and asked Susan where it was. She said she threw it away. I groaned. Then Susan told me that it was sitting at the top of the trash can. I ran over to the trash can and saw the white bag, holding the sandwich, sitting on top of the plastic box that held the strawberry shortcake. I figured that the sandwich, which is $7.50, wasn’t in contact with the trash at all, and that it had only been there for a very short while…so…I….uh…had Susan fish it out of the trash can. I know, I know, it’s gross. But one sandwich is $7.50! Half is $3.75!

Let’s not mince words. This is a new low, even for me.

This is totally random, but has anyone seen this store in the Glendale Galleria called A Sword in the Stone? It sells nothing but really expensive swords, medieval armor, and imitation Star Wars light sabers. When I first saw it, I thought it was set up as a set for a tv show or film. Then I realized it was an actual store, so I stood there for a bit, just so I could actually see the store owner put up the grand opening sign at 2:00pm and replace it with a store closing sign at 2:10pm. Guess what? That didn’t happen either.

I went back to the mall a few months later and I couldn’t believe that the store was still there. How in the world does that place make money?? How many people go to the mall looking to buy a sword or a set of armor? How many people go to the mall and drop a few thousand on a sword as an impulse buy? How many of those people go back and buy another sword and another set of armor? I am totally dumbfounded.

I will pay someone $5 to go into the store and ask them how they stay in business. I have to be there to see it happen and for you to tell me what the store employee says.

I took my first drug test last Monday. I was nervous about peeing into a cup, so much that I didn’t wear a new, white shirt, just in case there was splashback. It turned out fine though. I just chugged a bottle of water 30 mins before going and I was able to go way past the line. That might be too much information, but I tell it like it is.

I started a new job. There are a lot of Office Space-like characteristics, such as tons of acronyms for things and people with job titles that tell you nothing about their job. It’s kind of nice to temporarily revisit this kind of office environment. I had almost forgotten what it’s like to chug water and urinate every 30 minutes while forcing myself to do work instead of surfing the net.

On Top Chef, I knew Tre was going to get kicked off. Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be just like Tre - a black chef. Just kidding. But it is true that, my goal in every competitive situation is to not only win, but to be the most talented and classy, without resorting to stupid gimmicks or bullying. I think most people agree with that, which is why Tre was so popular on the show. What’s amazing is that so few people are like that in real life. Either way, the cool thing is, I think he pretty much accomplished what any contestant wants to do, which is to show his talent and to make a really positive impression.

I went to a teacher supply store the other day. The best thing I saw was that they had a set of crayons called People Colors. Instead of red or blue, the colors were just flesh tones. The colors ranged from a light peach/flesh (Walnut Creek) all the way to dark brown (Oakland).

I saw Superbad. It’s the weirdest movie I’ve ever seen that still was coherent (Napoleon Dynamite had its moments, but it wasn’t really coherent.) I really liked it. The actors in it do a phenomenal job. I think the guy who plays McLovin gets a lot of credit (and he should), but I thought Michael Cera did a great job. He took some scenes that could be have been cheesy and made them funny, pretty much on his own. Jonah Hill had some great moments too. His body language during the sleeping bag scene at the end was gold. Seth Rogen’s mind really is right on the dividing line between weird and funny.

I got a Slingbox. Since Susan has DSL but no TV, and my house in G-town has cable…I realized that Slingbox would solve all of my problems. It’s this box that hooks up to your tv and internet router at home. Then you install some software on your computer, and you can watch your tv from anywhere in the freakin’ world as long as you’re on the internet. People with internet-ready smartphones can watch their own tv from their own cell phone. People with Tivo can watch their own Tivo from anywhere. It’s mind boggling. I can’t describe how mind boggling it is. You can watch your own tv…from anywhere…in the world [head explodes].

I seared scallops. It was my first time. I didn’t do a good job, but I can do better. I really think that making a batch of clarified butter is a good idea.

Booking a wedding site isn’t easy. Every site has good things and bad things. Every good site is expensive. Every good site is booked on almost all Saturdays in 2008. I’m surprised that so many places hold you hostage for the food. They expect you to shell out thousands of bucks for food when you’ve never tasted it. Every nice wedding venue should have a welcome sign out front that says “We have you by the balls.”

I was in Taiwan for 10 days. During this time, I went on a 4 day tour of 4 different areas of Taiwan: Taipei, Taichung, Kaohsiung, and Hualien. I spent 2 more days going to a camp/farm in the jungles of Yilan, an area about 1.5 hours from Taipei. The remaining time was spent in Taipei.

Notes on the trip:

General
- The weather in Taiwan during late July and August is very hot and humid. It’s all that it’s billed to be.
- Always bring an umbrella with you, especially if you are carrying camera gear
- Taking a tour of the island is a good idea unless you’re pretty familiar with the area. It’s the most efficient way to see the most things, and they’re even pretty cheap (at least the amich tour is).
- Everyone speaks Mandarin, but if you really want the real experience and/or your’e dealing with some middle aged people, speaking Taiwanese is the way to go.

Taipei
- It’s the moped capital of the world. Every major intersection is like the start gate at a moped motocross. And if you’ve never seen a mother driving a moped with a baby on her lap and a second, little toddler hanging onto her for dear life, this is where you can see it.
- The air is terrible. Everything in the sky looks gray
- The subway is very efficient and clean.
- It’s better to go to the top of Taipei 101 during the day, so you can actually identify things. The night view is ok, but it’s just a sea of lights. The audio guided tour is really annoying and does not help you identify anything.
- The best night market for most people, and all tourists, is Shilin. It’s got all the stuff tourists are looking for: food, games, and lots of clothing and goods. The other night markets are older and actually cater more to locals because they sell traditional foods and cheap clothes that tourists don’t want (like cheap mens slacks).
- The Hwah Si Night Market has food and mens slacks, but it also has snake shops and sex stores. It’s also in a worse area of Taipei.
- The Taipei Zoo closes at 5pm during weekdays.

Taichung
- It’s a big city, but it’s calmer than Taipei
- The night market here has shacks and cheap clothes, but integrates real stores into the “market.”

Kaohsiung
- The Buddhist temple is huge. Highlights include a giant gold Buddha, thousands of gold Buddha statues, large courtyards, large shrines, it’s own cable tv station, and a Buddhist themed “It’s a Small World” called Buddhist Electric Fantasyland

Hualien (Toroko Gorge)
- More rural area on the east coast of the island
- Lots of “native” Taiwanese people live here (most Taiwan residents aren’t “natives”, much like most Americans aren’t Native Americans)

Tao Chen, where I learned:
- how to make an yam baking oven out of clay rocks
- how good Kumquat wine can be
- how many flies can stick to one piece of fly paper
- how to make a bamboo flute
- how (not) to fish (my mom and I caught nothing)
- that there are many, many, many kinds of traditional Taiwanese foods
- that a 40 year old person can build a lot in 28 years (the owner of the farm started at 40 and is now 68)

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I’m in Hualien, a city on the east coast of Taiwan. It’s 10:30pm. The outside temperature is in the 80s, my shirt is glued to my torso, I just ate a Taiwanese dinner, and I just topped it off with a Taiwan Beer that I bought at 7 Eleven.

My mom and I just wrapped up the third day of our four day tour of Taiwan. The tour has been better than I expected. I thought it would be one of those Chinese tours where they they try to visit way too many places in way too short a time. Instead, I’ve come to appreciate the virtues of being part of a tour. Our guide is a pretty funny, tri-lingual, knowledgeable Taiwanese guy who is pretty professional about his job. The van/bus is air conditioned. The sites we’ve been to have been pretty interesting and we’ve been given enough time to look around at them. The tour’s been comfortable because it isn’t that full - we only have 9 people in it - and because none of the 9 people are pricks. Without the tour, I doubt we’d have been able to get around as easily and to learn as much as we have.
The good thing is that because I didn’t really have very high hopes for this trip (I didn’t really know anything about the locales, the weather would be brutally hot and humid, and because I expected the tour to suck), this trip has definitely exceeded my expectations. Yes the locales are anonymous. Yes, the weather does suck. But, the tour has been pretty good, and that alone has made this trip better than expected.  Add to it some personally fulfilling moments, and the trip is definitely better than anticipated.
So far we’ve done a Taipei tour, went to Taichung, Sun Moon Lake, Kaohsiung, and Hualien. Haven’t heard of the latter four places? I hadn’t either really. I still maintain that Taiwan isn’t as good a vacation destination as Japan or Hong Kong. That doesn’t really speak to Taiwan being a bad place, but I’ve come to realize that Japan and Hong Kong are pretty unique places that are difficult to top.

I’m just going to drop some crib notes on the trip so far:

- On the first day, we were sitting in a little food shack when all of a sudden, it started pouring rain. Then I heard the loudest crack of thunder in my life. I am not kidding. The loudest crack ever. I mean, stuff was shaking. After that, I flinched every time I heard a crack of thunder. No one else in the shack was even flinching when the thunder cracked. I felt like such a loser, but I couldn’t help it.

- I’ve never seen so many people driving mopeds on the streets before. Every big intersection in Taipei is like a moped motocross. I’ve seen some ultra-dangerous driving too, like a person carrying way too many groceries while driving his moped in traffic,and a woman driving with a toddler on her lap and her very young daughter clutching onto her from behind.

- I’ve eaten a lot of Taiwanese and Mandarin style food from a lot of shacks. So far, so good. My poop’s been solid. Both literally and figuratively speaking.

- So far I’ve had three great moments here. The first was when we found where my mom’s old house used to be (it was tough finding it in the rain). The second was when we walked through an old street market that my grandmother used to go to every day. The third was when we finally found this brand of soda that my mom always wanted to try when she was a kid, but never got to.

- I’ve developed a really strong resolve to learn Mandarin better. I’m really not that far off from being fairly decent at conversation and I’ve even gotten better at it in the last few days alone. I actually bought a Pimsleur cd set a few months ago, but it taught the mainland China dialect that uses “nar-er” instead of “na-lee” (both mean “where”). I didn’t want to learn that dialect, so it was a bust. I’m going to find a way to learn the dialect I want, though. I have to.
- There’s a Japanese couple on our tour who have, without their knowledge, become my heroes in terms of traveling. They’re my parents’ age, but I really just want to be their friend. I’m going to dedicate a blog post to them later on, since they’re so badass.